Our Solution for the QLC

WHAT IS THE QUARTER LIFE CRISIS ANYWAY?
Society tends to think of 20-somethings and quite often 30-somethings as people who are young, vibrant, have a great lifestyle and an endlessly optimistic future. Almost every movie that features somebody in their 20s or early 30s portrays their character in this light. After all, 30 is the new 20, and 40 is the new 30, right?

But believe it or not, many 20-somethings and 30-somethings are in crisis. Sometimes this is called the Quarter Life Crisis (QLC). Symptoms often include a feeling that life isn't turning out right, a fear of the future because life doesn't seem right there either, a fear of one's mortality and failing in one's life (which usually sounds crazy to older adults), indecision about life choices, a general feeling that things aren't right, and sometimes a crisis in self identity and self esteem.

BUT WHAT IS IT ACTUALLY? HERE'S OUR TAKE ON IT
Taken together, the symptoms mentioned above actually sound like a combination of symptoms from the middle stages of the classical five stages of grief - anger, bargaining (dressed up as indecision and a desire to just do whatever crazy thing that comes to mind - but really it's just plain old bargaining if you think about it) and depression (which is why 'nothing feels particularly right' and why sometimes people have low energy during this period).

But what are these people actually grieving? Different people have different theories. Here's ours.

The majority of these people are yet quite far off from seriously needing to ponder their deaths, after all. What they are grieving is their youth, their feeling of specialness (which they were brought up to believe in), and the dreams they have had since childhood. Whilst dreams take longer to achieve nowadays, their self belief and their youthfulness would have set them up for life, to last the duration of this prolonged ride. However, for a combination of reasons (which we will explore in this website and in our upcoming book), society is stealing these things away from them prematurely, however, and with it their confidence to continue to dream also comes to an end. Although physically they are not old yet, with this mindset they may as well be just going through the everyday motions of life whilst waiting out the rest of their days as old-hearted, dreamless people, for the rest of their lives. Although it will be quite a long time before they finally leave this Earth physically, spiritually they may as well already be living-dead people.

MODELS OF SUPPORTING PEOPLE IN THE QUARTER LIFE CRISIS
There are many books and websites talking about this phenomenon. We've read much of it ourselves. To us, they often take a much too passive and pessmistic attitude to the problem, however. The most often perspective taken is that this is almost a 'necessary suffering' of a modern young person, that it's alright and normal that we feel this way, that maybe we should even quit whatever we are doing in our lives and that it will be alright in the end if we do so. Meanwhile, we can make you feel better by distracting you with ideas about how great being 30 etc is because you are now more 'sophisticated' (Is that what we aim for in life? Really?), how fabulous it is that we no longer care so much about what others think about us (As if this really enough to compensate for the permanent loss of the youthful spirit of endless dreams and opportunities), etc.

The fact is, without actually dealing with why 25, 30 or 35 year olds feel prematurely old, the only thing that they can do is to get us to accept our new oldness by making it look cool, i.e. at 30, although society has taken away your youthful spirit, at least you aren't as troubled by criticism from others, isn't that great? If I can use an analogy here, your life savings have been burnt in a fire, but I got you this Playstation you have always wanted since you were a kid, shouldn't you call yourself lucky? I really don't think so. ANYWAY
Society tends to think of 20-somethings and quite often 30-somethings as people who are young, vibrant, have a great lifestyle and an endlessly optimistic future. Almost every movie that features somebody in their 20s or early 30s portrays their character in this light. After all, 30 is the new 20, and 40 is the new 30, right?

This kind of 'cure' sounds great on the surface. But to us, it smelled like a glorified version of letting you grieve 'healthily' but still not changing the outcome at all. Because the outcome isn't changeable to suit your needs in this model, what you are actually working towards is the final stage of grief - acceptance. This kind of cure, in other words, is just the kind of thing that people like us will run away from as quickly as possible.

Our view on the matter of the quarter life crisis is very different. It's alright that we feel this way, after all, it can't be not alright when so many people are feeling it. But normal it ain't - it's just a generation-wide condition caused by circumstances in the outside world and the systems around us. And most importantly - we shouldn't just have to accept it. We are not ready to be old, we still have our dreams to chase, and you are not going to take it away from us. One day, we will have done what we need to do in life, we would have played the role we were born to play, and by then we will feel contentedly old, no grieving required. But before that, it's our right to act and feel young, and we need to fight back if you are stealing it away from us.

Our upcoming book will explain our view in more detail, and both the book and this website will have a strong focus on who the forces that are taking our youth away are, how we can fight back against them, and how we can keep our young spirits alive for the long ride ahead towards our dreams in life.

In summary:
The conventional model: Although you grew up with people telling you that you are special, you will never make your dreams come true anyway, it's OK therefore that you're depressed now that you have grown up and found out. Now you can take a little time out to make yourself feel better, and prepare your mind to accept your ordinary existance in this world. The support this model offers is to walk you through the grief until you reach the acceptance stage.

Our model: Although you grew up with people telling you that you are special and that you should dream big, it takes a long time in today's society for dreams to come true and for legacies to be created. Meanwhile, for various reasons, society is tearing your youth spirit, self confidence and ability to dream apart. We must fight back and reclaim our youth and all that is associated with it, or we will become spiritually living-dead for the rest of our lives. One day we will truly be able to let go of this youth - when it has served its purpose of taking us to the place we belong in life. Forcing us to let go of our youth spirit any earlier will destroy us, and we just cannot accept it.